The one where I talk about my Gods, and yes, there’s a bit of waffling here because I was kind of all over the place this morning, thinking about other things too 😛
Am I caught up? I think I’m caught up… I hope! 😛
I want to introduce you to my new products I’m offering in my shop now!! As of now, there are only the two up; I was going to wait until I could get up a goodly amount… but I’m just too damn impatient to wait!! I just want to share them with you!
I’m making tea inspired by and for our Gods, as well as whatever tickles my fancy (seasonal/holidays/pop culture paganism/stories).
The Deity teas are meant to be shared with your Gods, simply offered to them, or just to enjoy as you think on Their many adventures and lessons.
This Baldr tea is a delicious chamomile base, with orange, lavender and allspice. It’s like walking in a summer meadow.
And an Odinn tea! Minty, spicy, and earthy. It’s like a cool walk on blustery cliffs as you sip on a thermos full of hot tea. A blend of peppermint, spearmint, juniper berries and white pepper.
I was meant to have a Frigg tea up as well, but I ran out of dehydrated apples, so am waiting on them to be finished drying at the moment.
My plans are to flesh out the Norse side of things, as well as some for holidays (and by that, I do mean Yule right now, but there will be teas for the other Sabbats), witchier teas for divining or journeying to Otherworlds, and teas inspired by fantastical worlds from books and movies. There will be some pop culture pagan themed teas to be had as well as our historical Gods/myths.
I’m so excited! I hope you are too, and keep an eye out on my shop for more tea!!!
How To Begin
Honestly, this is incredibly personal. Also, some people are not wired to journey, to see/hear/feel things at all. Some people will only hear things. Some people may only be able to hear and not actually have conversations. Some may only be able to sense presences, or emotions. Some may see flashes of images. Some, again, may not sense anything at all. There is no better situation than another. I can only speculate on the why of being able to experience the Gods and Otherworlds, and why some can experience these things, and some cannot.
With that said, the how of it really depends on you. If you like things elaborate, create a specific ritual that will get you in that headspace to be open to the Gods and being with Them. If you like to keep it simple, like me, try it in a very simple setting.
It’s good to have a foundation in being able to visualize easily if you want to journey. I think it’s about letting your brain be able to interpret what you experience over there, to have practice in seeing entire landscapes or minute details with your mind’s eye. Try remembering scents, sounds, how it feels to run your fingers through grass, the smell of your favourite flower. Here where memory works again for you, if you can pull up those memories easily, it becomes easier for your brain to pull upon your memory to flesh out your journeying experiences.
I think the only important thing I can say is ensure you are warded if you feel you need to, and to just try, just let it happen. Be open to it happening, be open to it being real. Be open to second guessing yourself, to thinking you’re crazy.
Be open to it being real.
What about brain-weasles?
Yes, the “am I crazy?!”, “did that actually happen?!” “Is that what my God/s want/s?”. Talking and journeying with non-corporeal beings may make you qestion your sanity, I know I did in the first year or so. Many times. When past that, it becomes a matter of wondering if I’m just making it all up. Here’s where discernment and divination comes into play.
At first, you will not know the “flavour” of your Gods yet, of the way in which your brain picks up on things. Even if divination is the only way in which you find you can communicate with your Gods, there is a “flavour” to the answers depending on Who you’re talking to. Baldr doesn’t want me to be using my cards to talk to Him unless it is important, so I’ll get very contradictory answers to my questions, or a blunt “no” when asking if He can answer me through a deck. He wants me to listen for Him, or go to Him. Odinn usually gives straightforward answers, albeit, I often feel there is more to the answer than I am getting through the cards, and often, I’ve had Him refuse to elaborate. Frija doesn’t mind elaborating, Her answers so far have been at the same time gentle and firm when needed. She’s fairly straightforward as well, but with less edge. And this is what Their personalities are like with me, simply through divination.
When I think-talk to Them, I often get sensations, or an image of touch as Their different flavour. Baldr is usually a soft caress on my cheek. Odinn’s conversations usually come with the image and feeling of standing side by side and looking out over the land, the wind whipping around u/Us. When I talk with Frija, I feel warm, I feel like I’m in a close space filled with the smoky incense of resins.
When you begin to know Who you are dealing with with more sureity, picking up on Their patterns, it becomes easier to pick up on when one of Them wants to talk to you, or that They actually are answering back when you talk with Them.
I think it’s quite interesting the ways in which the experience of Them happens in a way that the sensations are all tied together, that I can know Who I’m talking to by how I feel, and the images that may not even include Them I see flashing in my mind as words are exchanged.
That all aside, you can see that there are ways in which They let us know Who They are, Who we are talking to. It takes time to get to know these things, and I find they get a little more elaborate the longer I’ve known Them and talked with Them over the years. It’s just like getting to know anyone in the physical world, we learn the sound of voices, easily recognizing them from others’ in time, the scent of their favourite perfume or cologne, even their favourite laundry soap, the feel of their hand on our arm as they’re talking to us.
Even with being able to recognize Them further along in your practices and communications, doubt will always find a way to seep in every once in a while. On those days, I just put it all down. I will focus on other things. I will also divine to see that what happened, or what was said, was what really happened or was really said. I may still feel as though I can’t trust the divination, and when that happens, sometimes I will ask someone else to divine for me. I usually get bigger check-up readings from someone other than me a few times a year to make sure that I am on the right track. Sometimes I have someone else read for me because I just need a little confirmation.
I don’t think the doubt ever goes away. We are dealing with People who many humans have been taught, for far too long, to simply think of as myths, Who don’t exist in any real way. We live in a time where empirical knowledge and fact is held high above all else. When you get involved with the currently inexplicable mystical, you’re thought of as bananas. We simply cannot explain what is happening between us and Gods with facts and data at this point. That doesn’t mean our experiences are invalid. That doesn’t mean it is not real. It’s hard when you move against the grain of cultural/societal beliefs.
JUST DO EET.
Write down your experiences so you can remember more easily, and you can look over it all and begin to pick up on patterns. Don’t be disheartened if it’s fuzzy at first. If you can only travel for a few minutes. It takes time, and like everything else, some people are more naturally able to do it than others. It doesn’t make anyone better than anyone else. The Gods want to work with us, to be friends with us and love us (not every single one of us, because who has time to love everyone, or even like everyone?!). If we just put in some effort to regain what abilities to communicate and be with the Gods that we’ve likely lost as indigenous religions were replaced, we can build up a base of knowledge, a base of acceptance, a strong foundation for future polytheists to continue our hard work. To bring our Gods more fully into our world once more.
I’ve been wanting to write this post for a while, though it always seems strange talking about things that are quite personal. But really, I’ve given up on caring what the nay-sayers will say. I’d rather talk about these things and discuss them with those who want to, and perhaps put out there some things that others may be wondering about, letting us all feel a little less lonely, that we’re not as crazy as we like to think we are sometimes. Though I will grant you, talking to Gods and spirits can definitely make it seem like you are going crazy.
I will put the caveat out there that this is only my experience. This is not the only way you can communicate with Gods or spirits, in fact there are likely thousands of different ways through which we can experience Them and communicate with Them.
Now, it’s only been nearly four years since I began truly interacting and communicating with any God or spirit. Odinn came in a flash to me one night as I walked from my kitchen to the living room. It was just an image in my head of Him, in armour, hair blowing in the stormy winds, looking right into me. I knew immediately it was Him, though He had two eyes, one embellished by a scar on the lids.
What I kind of marvel at, looking back on it now, was that I immediately knew it was Odinn. I have mentioned before on the blog that preceding this Odinn moment, I had not had much inclination towards the Northern Gods, and I suppose Skyrim likely opened that door for me. Yes, a video game, gotta love pop culture paganism! The Gods use ALL THE TOOLS at Their disposal. The game really allowed me to love the strength in the Northern culture, especially the stories of strong-willed women. Skyrim definitely has its share of strong-willed Nord women, that’s for sure!
At the time, I was dealing with the not so nice thing that was happening which led me into a pretty terrible depression for the next year and a half, perhaps more. It’s a little hazy. This was also the time I had decided I was no longer interested or had enough energy to continue pursuing a degree in music. It was a pretty difficult time because a lot of things were dying for me. And through that whole situation, a very big personal transformation was under way from that point onwards in terms of who I am, and what is important to me. It’s strange-looking back before this point and realizing how different I was.
I think He came to usher it all in, the change in me, and even the way my brain worked (I became very forgetful, which necessitated me doing things RIGHT THIS MINUTE, lest I end up doing nothing ever again). It has actually gotten quite a bit better over this summer (I began writing this post in early June, and there has been a marked improvement since then) which I am very thankful for!
Since then, I had been visiting with Odinn, working through depression and my issues with death, getting to see the connection to my ancestors, and the cultures they were part of. I am so grateful to Him for helping me through this time, as it was definitely a particularly shitty time in my life. As I believe I’ve mentioned earlier this year, He has taken a step back as Baldr has become number one, so o/Our visits have become less frequent.
With Frija, the communications and experiences have been fewer, but much-needed when I was working through the reality of being female in our current, very misogynistic, culture. This came shortly after depression hit, by a few months or so. There wasn’t so much adventuring with Her as it was more of a tutelage, discovering the great strength of being a woman, that it is no less than that of any man. I admit that I never really had much reason to either fear death, or feel so helpless or weak as a woman. My mother is the pants-wearer in my immediate family. I never heard from anyone in my life that I couldn’t do what I set my mind to because of being female. Before I realized I was a good singer, I wanted to be a doctor or marine biologist, and that was encouraged. It’s strange the things that put us in a tailspin with no true cause. It has all definitely made me much more aware of the fact we have a long way to go when it comes to women’s equality and rights in society, not just in law, but in the daily, small, seemingly inconsequential misogyny that happens, that is inherently taught without thought as to its effects.
But that is a topic for another time. Frija pops in when I need Her, or when there’s something pertinent She wants me to know. I can always look to Her to help me see my worth.
Baldr came when I had already been communicating with His Parents for a while, so it didn’t seem much different. Though somehow I cut myself off for a few months in the spring, thinking I was not ready for some reason, that I had to wait. Interesting that… and strange in retrospect. Baldr has been the easiest of my relationships with the Gods. Things have been so very comfortable, there doesn’t seem to be anything in particular w/We need to do, as Odinn helped me connect with my Ancestors, as Frija helped me connect with my own power. We just hang out, w/We enjoy each other’s company, laugh at silly things, and generally just have a very relaxed time together.
The Initial Communications
Ok, so what about the communication part of this?
When I finally got around to accepting that I could communicate with Odinn on my own (more because I wasn’t exactly sure what the Hel to do or that I would be fumbling terribly), it took a while to figure out what was going to work for me, and how I would experience it.
First was honing my meditation skills once more, creating a ritual around it in order to get in that proper head space conducive to being open to Them, well, Him. If I hadn’t meditated in a while, it usually took up to a week to get into the meditation groove of being able to focus on emptying everything out that isn’t helpful, and connect with Them.
When I connected with Odinn, it just happened that I end up journeying to Him. Honestly, I couldn’t tell you why this happened fairly quickly for me, but it just did. Perhaps within the first few times of trying to be open to hear Him, I ended up on some interesting adventures with Odinn.
I happen to have a very vivid imagination, very vivid dreams as well, so I suppose that helped. I was also already doing my own inner journey work before Odinn came along, which is where w/We adventured a bit. He was working with the landscape I had already created, creating openings and doorways to what He wanted to show me. I still had the safety of being somewhere, or close to somewhere, that I was already familiar with.
It seems now, I don’t often travel to that first landscape much anymore. I remember quite vividly what has happened there, and I do think of it once in a while, enjoying the views behind my eyelids. I made it, so of course it is somewhere I think is beautiful! Now, my journeys seem to be in a lot of sunlit, starlit, or lantern-lit boreal forests. I don’t think these new places are my own invention any more.
The bulk of my communicating and interacting takes place when I have the solitude to journey, whether it’s before sleep, or while I’m making something (as of writing this, it is my Yule gifts which are coming along quite well!), or out biking or walking. Often I slip into the Otherworld, where I can see Them, and straddle both worlds.
Other times, if too much of my focus is in my mundane world, I will hear Them and feel Their presence. Words seem to come more when I can’t be in the Otherworld, which also happens to be the times I need to talk to Them anyway, to hear words and get more difinitive answers.
In the next post, I will be talking about how I talk to and visit the Gods.
This is a post for The Pagan Experience about deity & the divine.
So here is where I confess a terrible thing, I wasn’t listening to my Gods, namely Baldr. I wasn’t letting Him in. And this turned into Him showing up to someone else who was performing a reading for me (thank you!) being Super Grump.
It’s kind of strange to think of Him as that, seeing how much of what we know from lore sources have painted Him as a glorious, shining ball of light and happiness. However, let us remember in Saxo’s account, He was a fierce warrior who fought to have Nanna. And if you look at that story without the names attached to it, you’ll see the character He played was a bit brazen (or maybe a lot considering He decided He had to have someone else’s intended).
It always makes reminds me that there is no denying He is His father’s son.
So why would He be Super Grump to my poor, lovely reader and therefore at me? Well, I don’t know why exactly I had it in my mind that He was to be interacted with in a distant way, that for some reason there was a waiting period before w/We could interact in much closer proximity as I had been doing so with Odinn, and Frija (to a lesser extent), but I had kept Him at arm’s length. Ok, probably more like, across the street length. In fact, I had also cut myself off from Odinn and Frija (Who both let me know They were not too happy with my distancing as well), doubting that I was allowed to have those close relationships.
Ugh. What is human brain meat!!!!!!
I couldn’t even tell you why I did it. Perhaps things got really real when I got a reading from the lovely Beth back in December? I won’t divulge what was said, but it did kind of shake my world around a bit. Flail happened.
So I think with that reading, all of a sudden, things had to be super serious business. Formal. Restrained.
And I think now, when had things every been like that with Odinn & Frija? Never. There had been some more formal ritual things when I needed to mark something as important, but otherwise, o/Our relationships have been pretty friendly and informal. I would say even almost emphatically informal after I was frustrated and fed up with school, and after the not so nice thing happened. I needed comfort when They came to me, and that’s what I got. They’ve never been distant, ethereal beings to me. Until I tried making Them.
Then Baldr came into the picture and that’s when I got all worked up. And it took Him, the God people like to see as happy-go-lucky, and very shiny, kicking me in the pants to smarten up.
So why am I sharing this with you? Well, because having relationships with Gods can be a hard thing. We can’t physically see Them. Physically touch Them. Hear Them, smell Them, or taste Them. The way we experience pretty much everything in our life is based upon our physical senses.
It is hard to keep focused enough to see Them without our eyes, or hear Them without our ears. It makes the experiences with Them subject to how confident we feel in our non-physical senses, our sanity, and our worthiness at having relationships with any of Them.
Over the past few years, I readily admit questioning my sanity many times. So much of our conditioning (even from a church-going Christian background) is focused on our physical world. But we are not just physical beings. We are souls with bodies for a time. It’s well and good, and sometimes very nice (wink, wink) to be very in the moment and in your body as it feels all the stimuli from our environments: the smell of your favourite dessert baking, soft, warm fur beneath your hands, seeing someone you love in person after a long separation, listening to your favourite music that moves you to joy or tears, a warm breath across your skin in just the right place. These are delicious things. These are good things.
Yet, we also experience the world with our thoughts, who we are as a spirit. And how do you experience a non-physical being when you’re currently trapped in a limited human body? How can you do this reliably without letting yourself think you’re crazy? It is a very difficult thing, very difficult indeed.
What I have done to be open again, is just say to myself “fuck it”. I never worry about what anyone else thinks of me, why should I let conditioned filters that I sometimes let myself see myself through affect me? Why should I care what I think of myself if that thought comes from society’s filter that mystical people are crazy? Even Christians think their mystics are weird. And what difference would it make if I were crazy? Is my spirituality not feeding my soul? Does speaking/being with the Gods not feed my soul?
I suppose part of it could be that old “not worthy”, “feeling good is a sin” that could be surfacing. Well, that notion has never stopped me from having le sex, and lots of it. There’s no shame in that at all for me. I view sex as physical, yes, but so very spiritual as well. It’s something that lets us lose ourselves, become more than just who we are in our limited human bodies, if only for a few moments.
And I ask myself, is that not what my relationships with Them is like in a slightly different, brain-way? Absolutely. I am filled and inspired and awed, and I lose myself in o/Our interactions together because they/They take me somewhere else I couldn’t even imagine (in multiple ways), They teach me things, They’ve helped change my view of the world and my self (not that I had a bad view of either before, but now my view is wider, grander), They’ve made me very aware of the spirits in all things and how much humans have tried to cut Them all out, and I just simply enjoy Their company.
Just as friendships and relationships in real life, relationships with Them are important, fulfilling, and help me become a better person. (There’s also the perk with deity/spirit relationships of learning magickal things as well, thanks, Frija!).
So I got kicked in the metaphorical pants, and here I am, in the thick of it again. It’s beautiful, and I’m inspired. It’s hard to remember to pay attention sometimes to hear Them, to visit with Them, ’cause They can’t just come to us and yell at us outside our windows. We have to make the time to just listen, to let go of doubts, to just be with Them.
It’s a strange thing breaking down all the things society teaches us to conform, to be the same as everyone else. To break that down and build up your self as a whole person, as someone who is not simply the physical and thought, but a spiritual person. Someone who is not afraid to feel (emotionally as well as inspirationally). Someone who feels the rush and tingle of energy flowing through us, sometimes welling up from within us, sometimes coming from something physically un-seeable. Someone who follows that and gives no fucks what anyone else has to say about it.
What a world it would be if everyone followed the deep wisdom that lies in the very hearts of us, connected to everything, to everyone.
I won’t isolate myself from Them. They don’t deserve that, and neither do I.
For the third prompt of The Pagan Experience, I made the realization that I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned much about Who I work with. I usually say something vague, but imply that there is Someone/multiple Someones I have contact with, but not much in naming names.
If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you’ll know I love being out on the trails and in the woods. If you didn’t know that, well now you do! So yes, this very much means I work with land spirits, spirits in the winds and waters. I’m very much an animist, and a lot of inspiration comes to me from the places I love to frequent, where there are barely any humans, and the wild things are wild. I do also love my garden, and there’s lots of inspiration and lessons to be learned there for true and certain, but the wood is where my heart lies. Especially if the woods are very close to a beach…
I also honour my ancestors on a very regular basis. They have leant much support during my not so sunshine and rainbows period (read below).
So as for the Gods, I think part of the reason I hadn’t usually shared with many people, including on this blog, Who I had worked with is for quite a long time until a few years ago, I always fancied the Greek pantheon, even called on Aphrodite and Pan most oft in whatever magick I was doing, or occasional ritual. Though I had an interest in Them, I’m not sure the feeling was mutual, perhaps they appreciated my honouring Them from very afar, I cannot know. So up until a few years ago, things were less polytheistic, and leant more towards all Gods are one sort of thing. The God and the Goddess archetypes, and Their many faces. With this distant sort of relationship, I guess I was just getting myself worked up that it wasn’t worthy enough? It suited me just fine all on my own, but in sharing, if ever it changed (which it did), I wouldn’t want to be seen as flakey or, whatever word better suits this situation that I can’t currently think of.
It’s really quite an interesting cognitive dissonance on my part because I’m very much a proponent of the constant learning as you go along (we’re never done with learning). This means that things will always be changing. It didn’t necessarily mean that I was or was not going to be working with Aphrodite and Pan for the rest of my life, but I think maybe I knew even then that They weren’t really the Ones for me. Along with the change aspect of learning is the fact that just like human people, I know some Gods, some Spirits would come and go. Each with Their own lessons in the contact and relationship, however long or brief.
So this was a little over two years ago. Then Odin showed up. That’s when I realized that it was natural for me to honour a few Someones Who inspired me, but now there was actual interaction with Someone. Thing is, I had never really been interested in Norse mythology or their Gods, it was much too hard and “not pretty” to my younger self who was very much into the prettiness, the decadence of the Greeks. I will admit, Skyrim probably honeyed the way for me into the Scandinavian cultures and Gods. I have since come to love the Norse culture, especially since after Odin popped in, women’s issues became very important to me. It wasn’t that He spurred this lady stuff on, it was a culmination of everything that was going on for me at the time. With that in mind, Scandinavian cultures being what they are and were even a long time ago when the Vikings were doing their thing, how free their women were, well, there were a lot of lessons in simply the study of the culture and mindset as well as the Gods for me.
A lot of it has allowed me to really strive to live the way I want to, more so in being firmly rooted in who I am as a person, and how I interact with other humans. In not apologizing for not wanting to fit into a teeny little culturally/socially appropriate box. In not apologizing for saying no (something it seems women are thought not supposed to do).
But back on track! Along with Odin, came Frija. She hasn’t been, and is still not very prominent, or at the forefront of it, but more like Someone to aspire to (a lot of contemplation over Herself being so very secure in every role She plays), and Someone Who has let me know is there, even if She’s not very close by. She’s been a gentle but tremendous support for me.
That all being said, as I look back over the past two years, Odin and Frija seem to have layed stepping stones for me. Brought me through the gate leading to Who I’m supposed to be working with; they’ve eased me into familiarizing myself with Their stories, Their values, etc. Well, hang on a moment, I can’t say that this time was easy, I dealt with a lot of depression then, things were very dark at the time for several reasons I shall keep to myself. Needless to say, Odin sort of ferried me through a mostly awful year and a bit. He was a rock for me. And I am incredibly grateful for His role in all of it.
And to end it with Who is currently coming around, well, it’s Baldr. It seems kind of fitting that Odin has brought me to Him, He is a psychopomp, and have I not been brought to One Who has died? Dead, and yet not dead and all that.
I suppose this relationship is something that I will likely be sharing more of in the future, as long as He approves. The only thing is that there doesn’t seem to be many of His devotees, well, at least online. I realize this is a sad thing in terms of seeking a bit of community, but a good thing that my experiences can be truly my own with Him, not tainted with doubt because my interactions don’t look like others’.
So there it is. It’s all laid out for you, dear gentle reader. If you had only kind of guessed at what my spirit interaction looked like, now you know from my own mouth. Well, my own fingers. It’s a good time for the Gods, and spirits of all kinds, methinks.
Hail to the Wights of Land, Sea, and Sky!
Hail to the Ancestors!
Hail to Aphrodite and Pan!
Hail to Odin and Frija!
Hail to Baldr!
I am readily admitting I have had quite a few days of feeling like my story was crap, that my writing was crap (and I’m going to say that some of it is, that’s why we edit). Right now, though, I know that the story just needs to get on the page, the many, many pages. I am now only roughly 550 words behind, which I am very confident will not be an issue. If I only go for what the daily word count requirements just to hit the 50,000, that 550 words can spread out over the last 5 days with not even a second thought.
A big thing I know will be going into the rewrite is the more sensual writing that was happening more when I first began NaNoWriMo. It came easier when my head wasn’t so bogged down by this huge story that has landed in my lap. Like I said, right now is just for getting it down. It’s very much on the more basic side, the kind of he said and she said dialogues, and not enough detail of what I see in my mind’s eye. Also, once NaNo ends, I will still have over half the story left to write, so I am far from done, but I am still very excited about it. I found an app that I have been using this month, and will continue to do so, that allows me to track my writing word counts and set goals for specific dates. Since December is going to be busy time, I am aiming to get it all written by the end of January at the latest. Then perhaps I will be taking some time off from it, and then it’s time to edit.
What I also wanted to share is that Loki has finally come along in the story, though there were very brief appearances in the first third of the novel. How could he not be in the story when his brother is a main character? I’m enjoying writing him, his interactions with my lady main character, and am looking forward to writing his interactions with Odin.
What’s also interesting is that I am writing beyond the point that I had pre-planned, so I am just allowing things to come to me as they come. Of course the overarching plot is always in mind.
So I leave you at that, dear gentle reader. An excerpt will arrive at the end of this week. And to my fellow Wrimos, whether you will reach the goal or not, you still rock! You got some words out, and that’s what matters ❤
Well, it seems this week went better than last, though I’m not really sure anymore. It’s all a mushy blur in my mind now. There’s no coherency except in the writing. And that is fine with me! The people who I speak to everyday know by now not to expect me to be incredibly eloquent anymore, I often forget what words to use. MY BRAINS IS MUSH 😛 But a happy mush 🙂
One last point, last night, I finally realized that I was only a third of the way through this novel’s story arc. It was a weird heaviness, but also added some kindling to the fire. While I am aiming for the 50,000 words for November, the entirety of this story is more likely going to be around 100,000 words, probably longer, depending on where the next two thirds of the story take me.
We walked our way out, down the long ramp and out the wide gates that were half closed. The sky was still so very dark, but it seemed like no drop of rain had come down yet. We wouldn’t go far anyhow, as I was completely clueless as to the lay of this land. Once past the fences, Gilli decided we needed a gallop, and we ran, the winds carrying our hair wildly. I let her run this way and that, not really guiding her at all. She stopped to look off into the distance over here, then ran over there to eat at some flowers. It was so nice to be out and doing something physical, and now that I had more time to look, I did.
There seemed to be a half ring of mountains, of which, we were riding in the middle of. Though from my balcony I could see only cloud at all times, from here, I could see the land now, and despite the dark clouds above, it was a green land, lush, I could see a small village much further down the slope of this meadow, and farmland surrounding the houses made tiny with distance. It reminded me of home.
I looked away before tears welled up in me. Gilli was now more interested in eating the flowers than running around. I let her know I was getting off, and jumped down. She stayed close, and I walked around, stretching my own legs. Then I began thinking, it felt like the first time in a while that I had had the time to do such a thing. I traced all the threads of events that had happened in the last few weeks, then searched for their beginnings before then. I knew it wasn’t possible for me to know the entirety of this thing, but I felt like something was missing, something I should already know.
I didn’t realize how lost in thought I had become until someone appeared before me. I yelped as I almost ran into him, his hands coming up to steady me, wrapping around my forearms.
“Are you alright?” he asked with an amused smile. I couldn’t help smiling as I caught my breath.
“Where did you come from?” I was exasperated, though couldn’t refute my focus had not exactly been on the world around me.
“From the village. I’m glad to see you out with Gilli. I’m also glad she seems to stay close by when you’ve lost all attention to the world around you,” his smile turned into a smirk.
Though today was a rougher day of writing (took me too many hours to admit to get to my final count of 1899), I just wanted to share this song. It kinda sums up what my writing brought me. Yes. Assume there will be yummy sexiness in my novel, I’m very, very much a proponent for sexuality being sacred, being very much tied to ecstasy and those delicious mind-opening circumstances that happen when things get a little crazy, and of course, sexy.
I reiterate, Odin is in this story, how could it not get a little sexy?
Also, thank you, LA for introducing me to the Civil Wars ❤