I’ve been wanting to write this post for a while, though it always seems strange talking about things that are quite personal. But really, I’ve given up on caring what the nay-sayers will say. I’d rather talk about these things and discuss them with those who want to, and perhaps put out there some things that others may be wondering about, letting us all feel a little less lonely, that we’re not as crazy as we like to think we are sometimes. Though I will grant you, talking to Gods and spirits can definitely make it seem like you are going crazy.
I will put the caveat out there that this is only my experience. This is not the only way you can communicate with Gods or spirits, in fact there are likely thousands of different ways through which we can experience Them and communicate with Them.
Now, it’s only been nearly four years since I began truly interacting and communicating with any God or spirit. Odinn came in a flash to me one night as I walked from my kitchen to the living room. It was just an image in my head of Him, in armour, hair blowing in the stormy winds, looking right into me. I knew immediately it was Him, though He had two eyes, one embellished by a scar on the lids.
What I kind of marvel at, looking back on it now, was that I immediately knew it was Odinn. I have mentioned before on the blog that preceding this Odinn moment, I had not had much inclination towards the Northern Gods, and I suppose Skyrim likely opened that door for me. Yes, a video game, gotta love pop culture paganism! The Gods use ALL THE TOOLS at Their disposal. The game really allowed me to love the strength in the Northern culture, especially the stories of strong-willed women. Skyrim definitely has its share of strong-willed Nord women, that’s for sure!
At the time, I was dealing with the not so nice thing that was happening which led me into a pretty terrible depression for the next year and a half, perhaps more. It’s a little hazy. This was also the time I had decided I was no longer interested or had enough energy to continue pursuing a degree in music. It was a pretty difficult time because a lot of things were dying for me. And through that whole situation, a very big personal transformation was under way from that point onwards in terms of who I am, and what is important to me. It’s strange-looking back before this point and realizing how different I was.
I think He came to usher it all in, the change in me, and even the way my brain worked (I became very forgetful, which necessitated me doing things RIGHT THIS MINUTE, lest I end up doing nothing ever again). It has actually gotten quite a bit better over this summer (I began writing this post in early June, and there has been a marked improvement since then) which I am very thankful for!
Since then, I had been visiting with Odinn, working through depression and my issues with death, getting to see the connection to my ancestors, and the cultures they were part of. I am so grateful to Him for helping me through this time, as it was definitely a particularly shitty time in my life. As I believe I’ve mentioned earlier this year, He has taken a step back as Baldr has become number one, so o/Our visits have become less frequent.
With Frija, the communications and experiences have been fewer, but much-needed when I was working through the reality of being female in our current, very misogynistic, culture. This came shortly after depression hit, by a few months or so. There wasn’t so much adventuring with Her as it was more of a tutelage, discovering the great strength of being a woman, that it is no less than that of any man. I admit that I never really had much reason to either fear death, or feel so helpless or weak as a woman. My mother is the pants-wearer in my immediate family. I never heard from anyone in my life that I couldn’t do what I set my mind to because of being female. Before I realized I was a good singer, I wanted to be a doctor or marine biologist, and that was encouraged. It’s strange the things that put us in a tailspin with no true cause. It has all definitely made me much more aware of the fact we have a long way to go when it comes to women’s equality and rights in society, not just in law, but in the daily, small, seemingly inconsequential misogyny that happens, that is inherently taught without thought as to its effects.
But that is a topic for another time. Frija pops in when I need Her, or when there’s something pertinent She wants me to know. I can always look to Her to help me see my worth.
Baldr came when I had already been communicating with His Parents for a while, so it didn’t seem much different. Though somehow I cut myself off for a few months in the spring, thinking I was not ready for some reason, that I had to wait. Interesting that… and strange in retrospect. Baldr has been the easiest of my relationships with the Gods. Things have been so very comfortable, there doesn’t seem to be anything in particular w/We need to do, as Odinn helped me connect with my Ancestors, as Frija helped me connect with my own power. We just hang out, w/We enjoy each other’s company, laugh at silly things, and generally just have a very relaxed time together.
The Initial Communications
Ok, so what about the communication part of this?
When I finally got around to accepting that I could communicate with Odinn on my own (more because I wasn’t exactly sure what the Hel to do or that I would be fumbling terribly), it took a while to figure out what was going to work for me, and how I would experience it.
First was honing my meditation skills once more, creating a ritual around it in order to get in that proper head space conducive to being open to Them, well, Him. If I hadn’t meditated in a while, it usually took up to a week to get into the meditation groove of being able to focus on emptying everything out that isn’t helpful, and connect with Them.
When I connected with Odinn, it just happened that I end up journeying to Him. Honestly, I couldn’t tell you why this happened fairly quickly for me, but it just did. Perhaps within the first few times of trying to be open to hear Him, I ended up on some interesting adventures with Odinn.
I happen to have a very vivid imagination, very vivid dreams as well, so I suppose that helped. I was also already doing my own inner journey work before Odinn came along, which is where w/We adventured a bit. He was working with the landscape I had already created, creating openings and doorways to what He wanted to show me. I still had the safety of being somewhere, or close to somewhere, that I was already familiar with.
It seems now, I don’t often travel to that first landscape much anymore. I remember quite vividly what has happened there, and I do think of it once in a while, enjoying the views behind my eyelids. I made it, so of course it is somewhere I think is beautiful! Now, my journeys seem to be in a lot of sunlit, starlit, or lantern-lit boreal forests. I don’t think these new places are my own invention any more.
The bulk of my communicating and interacting takes place when I have the solitude to journey, whether it’s before sleep, or while I’m making something (as of writing this, it is my Yule gifts which are coming along quite well!), or out biking or walking. Often I slip into the Otherworld, where I can see Them, and straddle both worlds.
Other times, if too much of my focus is in my mundane world, I will hear Them and feel Their presence. Words seem to come more when I can’t be in the Otherworld, which also happens to be the times I need to talk to Them anyway, to hear words and get more difinitive answers.
In the next post, I will be talking about how I talk to and visit the Gods.