PBP – The Pause

When it is Dark Enough - Kirsten Bailey

When it is Dark Enough – Kirsten Bailey

I have been mulling over what this lack of music in my life the past few years has meant. As you can imagine, first there was much frustration, feeling of failure, floundering in the “what the hell am I doing with my life” thoughts.

But now I’ve come to a place where I understand this is just a pause. A breather from all the work I’ve put in so far, and while right now, it feels like it has been such a long time, in the grander picture of a whole life and all the years I’ve spent perfecting my craft, it’s not very long at all.

I keep thinking that this is just a good night’s rest after a very long day. Yes, a day of much happiness, and near the end, quite a bit of frustration and some anger, but a long day of hard work. Now it’s just time for rest. I feel as though the pause may be coming to an end as I am feeling more and more a pull growing to get back to my work. However, the pull is not enough to wake me up yet.

And that’s ok.

Just as we experience fallow times needed for rest within our magical/spiritual practices, we experience it everywhere else within our lives. Everything cycles, and I have finally come to a resting period in a 21 year musical journey.

I have a feeling that whilst the music has had a pause, and my spirituality has evolved quite a bit in that time, when I find my voice again, the two will be heavily intertwined. Whether that means I am writing inspired pieces, or searching for operas heavily influenced by the Gods and Their stories, who knows. I am just allowing myself to be open to anything that comes in to move me.

 

As much as this pause has brought me frustration and anger at myself before coming to the conclusions I write about here, I have learned the hard lesson of allowing myself needed rest. Allowing myself to accept that I cannot possibly be working at this for every single moment. So I remain in this pause with more appreciation of it now, enjoying the rest, and beginning to look forward to the day when I begin singing again in earnest.

 

*This post and these thoughts have been quite influenced by Anni’s Greystone Path course. I am so very grateful for what it has brought to me, the realizations and discoveries of myself so far.

PBP – Longing for the Divine

The Soul of the Rose - John William Waterhouse 1908

The Soul of the Rose – John William Waterhouse 1908

This is why we search, why we struggle, why we (sometimes) leave what others have told us is the right way, to sometimes push those people away. There is a longing, and it brings us to a journey that not many will understand. We need to connect with the divine, to know the Gods, however we see them, to know the spirits of all the things that surround us.

I’m writing this because I recognize after all this time on my path, I still long, I still yearn for a life ever more so entwined with the divine, to live an enchanted life. It hasn’t waned at all over the years, in fact, each day it grows stronger. This burning desire pushes me forward, has kept my mind day in and day out ever on the fact that all of this life I am living is touched and woven with magic, with love, with Gods and Spirits; nothing is devoid of the spiritual, though we try really hard to drown it out with constant visual and audio distraction.

Each day I try to think of all the ways in which I could be strengthening this or that connection, and yet… and yet I keep being told that it all lies within my voice, within music for me.

Perhaps it is this terrible consumer culture I’ve grown up in that keeps leading me to want to have all the tools (more on the spiritual side than the physical, tangible tools), but I’ve spent basically my whole life honing this voice. That is my tool. I understand sometimes we need to step back, and for the last while, I really needed to. Now, there’s such a push, and each time I sing, each time I create a song or a chant, I am brought closer to Them. It reignites my longing over and over for the Divine.

Game of Thrones

I have to admit it… I’m obsessed right now with Game of Thrones. The season ended, and I got the books on my Kobo. I read the first in two weeks… the fastest I’ve ready anything that big before (seeing as my man takes the Kobo to work with him during the day).

So… then I wanted to sing the theme song, cuz I thought it’d be fun… here it is! 😉
I’m going to continue tweaking how I record because this white noise just won’t do… It irks me to no end, but oh well for now! 😉

Willow’s Song

So… I’ve been getting a lot of comments about how I should be a pagan artist. It’s been pulling at me for a while now… I’ve thought about it over the years… I’m not sure!! I would totally love doing it though… but I also wonder about my love of singing opera… can I do that too?

Anyway, here’s what I’ve been doing today 😉 I need a better, tiny room that doesn’t have a lot of white noise… but I still think it turned out well 🙂

Don’t Fret! I’m Still Here!

Hello, my pretties!
I haven’t fallen off the face of the universe… yet… 😛
I know I have the “Blogging Without Obligation” up, but I thought it would be nice to let you know what’s been going on for me in the past few weeks.
I was sick… an awful, at first, head cold/stomach issue thing, then it turned into horrible headaches I couldn’t get rid of no matter how much ibu prophen I took and lavender I smelled. The headaches are still around… definitely not as bad, and manageable with some drugs. Also, this week and last week happens to be midterms for me! Eep! Had a big music history test on Friday, have a Theory test on Wednsday this week, then a quartet thing to sing in sight singing on Thursday, and a sight singing test this Friday… and finally, my piano midterm next Monday! Phew!

I will say though, that this year has definitely been a Hel of a lot nicer to me as far as stressful situations go! No crazy room mates, and a theory class which has a pace I can relax in! Also… somehow, my pieces for my solo vocal work are pretty easy, and all in English except one (how did that happen?), which just has a repeated “Alleluia”, lol.

Arighty, I will be posting soon, have a wonderful Autumn (or Spring) day! 🙂

 

Taurus & Happy Birthday to Me!

 

Taurus - Olga Kostenko

Taurus – Olga Kostenko


Well, folks, today is the day that I have completed 23 turns around the sun. I am quite optimistic for the coming year! Not only will I finally be going to school for singing (operatic of course!), the man and I will be moving out to British Columbia for me to do it! It is quite an exciting time indeed! 🙂

Alright, so what I thought I would write about today, is the Zodiac sign of Taurus!

Taurus

Dates: April 20-May 20

Animal: The Bull

Element: Earth

Planet: Venus

Associated Body Parts: The throat, voice, vocal chords

Bull Gods:
Dionysus (Greek), Apis (Egyptian), Tarvos Trigaranus (Celtic/Gaulish), Moloch (Canaan/Modern day Isreal, Lebanon, the Palestinian Territories and parts of Jordan, Syria and Northeastern Egypt)

Characteristics of a Taurean:
Steadfast, stubborn, stable, grounded, enjoys the finer things in life, loves the arts and anything of beauty, attraction to material things for their beauty and what they offer the senses.