Change on the Winds


I’ve been feeling kinda strange lately. A little restless, and feeling like things aren’t going to be as they are for much longer. I also feel a little hesitant to usher this change in without making a fuss about it, as I am often likely to do. I do know that I get in my own way when it comes to progress in my life. I’m a Taurus, I’m stubborn. Just my way. I even remembered the tarot spread I pulled at the Gregorian New Year when 2011 came in, and the cards told me of a big change that I was not so willing to accept. Le sigh. I also have a strange suspicion it will be good for me, alas, I will still fight it. It’s too much work, I’ll whine. I know it.

My plans for my music career are always changing, one minute I’m getting the degree, next I don’t want to. As for now, it’s a money issue, however, I want to at least take some of the courses next fall. On a good school note, however, I feel much more relaxed this year. I’m not allowing myself to worry about things I don’t need to (which is basically everything but theory).
Then the plans for what I want to do with music are finally more solid… opera chorus in the winter, wedding ceremony singing in the summer (as here there are only 4 operas a year in the fall and winter seasons). Even have a few of my friends at school who will accompany me or join me in duet work.

As far as spiritually, I feel I’m growing right now. Slowly, still in a cocoon, still not out and really into it, but close. Still fighting against the idea that I “need” certain things to practice and have a fulfilling practice. It’s falling away though. Am on a mostly daily practice lately, and it feels right.

And how are you, my lovely reader? What is this autumn blowing your way?

My Summer Musings

Aaah, it seems as though the summer is going too fast! Mostly because there hasn’t been an incredible amount of summery weather until a few weeks ago here 😦 Also, I have been dreading going back to school in the fall! Yes, yes, I will continue to do it, lol, however, I know I will burn out, and I definitely don’t want to experience that again! But, we are living in a stress free apartment (it’s been very quiet in so far as lots of communication between us and the landlords, which is fine by me, no drama!), so I know that there won’t be a stressful home factor this year, thank the Gods! And perhaps the break in December will actually be a restful one this year, enough so that I can get through second semester! I’ve been talking and thinking about how to better handle everything, and well, it sounds trite, but I just gotta take it one day at a time. Then I get to worry about auditions in second semester for the next school I’m going to go to to finish my bachelor’s. Le sigh. It never ends! Lol. Also, I’ve been going back and forth not knowing if I should get the bachelor’s because mostly, you need that to teach, which I never, and I mean NEVER want to do. But I’ve also been undecided as to what I want to do with music. I think I’ve come to a pretty solid conclusion that fits how I want my life to be (in so far as family/house/time to myself): I’m going to be an opera chorister, stationed in one city.
Now, there’s a bit of (and by a bit, I mean a whole lot of, lol) snobbery when it comes to opera. If you aren’t a prima or primo of whichever voice type you are, and have a crazy career, you are a soloist “failure”. This is so ridiculous and needs to be changed, I tell ya! Not everyone is cut out to sacrifice basically everything to be a world-renowned opera star. Those people generally live sad lives, usually never marrying or having children. That’s just not the life I want. I want a house, a big garden, kids, doggies and kitties. Yep, I want domestic bliss. Could you imagine an opera without its chorus? Those huge, amazing scenes that get your heart pumping as the music swells with all the voices joining in emotion? It’s like raising energy in ritual! It’s just amazing. Plus, I’ll be working with the same people, which, once you’ve been in any sort of stage production, you know that they all become extended family.

"Carmen" by Georges Bizet. Performed by the Royal Opera Chorus and Orchestra.

Anywho… lol. Other things that have been on my mind or happening… I’ve been doing a lot of witchy reading (which I gotta do now, cuz during the school year, I have absolutely no want to read!). Currently on Margot Adler’s “Drawing Down the Moon”. It’s been good. Read a few 101 type books, however, I couldn’t read the last one all the way through as it was aimed for someone who’s probably only just found the Craft. I think I can move on from that now, lol. It’s been good to finally read these, although I have a feeling to get into the deeper books, I shall have to purchase them off Amazon as my library most likely won’t have books that specific.

Annnnd… mead. Oh, mead!! I think I’ve figured out what we’re going to do in retirement, lol. I’m going to have a meadery. The man can grow hops and make beer, and I will bee keep and make mead. The bottles are doing very well, the yeasties are very active. I went out today to a wine making supply shop and picked up some carboys, caps, airlocks, tubing and a brush for cleaning the carboys. I sanitized two of the caps and airlocks to place them on the water jugs I have my mead in now, and both jugs are having bubbles about every eight seconds. It’s so exciting making it, darned frustrating with the waiting (I know, it’s only been a week!! Lol), but I am quite excited! Before placing the caps on, I took a good sniff of each mead, and holy man! You can smell that alcohol! And behind that is the smell of ambrosia 🙂 Going to make another two bottles this weekend: a pumpkin mead!!!! And probably a fruit mead.

And lastly (I hope, lol), I have been spending more and more time outside during the day in the sun… it has been wonderful! I have my lovely umbrella however, lol, as I am a very, very pale person, and burn quite easily. My arms are now tanned, even though you’d never know unless I showed you how white my tummy is! We’ve been going on walks (albeit, usually to go get something, which is ok, cuz that means we’re walking for about a half hour at the very least), we should go on more with the pup though, but the man has been quite tired lately, as noted by all the angry yelling at his silly Mortal Kombat game :S
But, I’ve been bad with eating too much lately. Sigh. I’m trying to reign it in, I promise, lol. I really, really, really need to find somewhere that sells salad spinners so that I can have one and eat salads for lunch and have them with dinner. I miss salads, and I refuse to dry the salad with tea towels cuz our animals’ hairs are everywhere!

Ok, this is the last thing, I promise! I’ve also started saying a mental prayer at night before going to sleep, saying thanks for all my blessings They bestow upon me and my loved ones. It feels good, intuitive, not something I have to worry about making more elaborate than it should be. I think I’ve always known, but I believe I’m one of those whose practice is more spontaneous, and things will be less about what long ritual I’ve got written down, and more about the emotion of the moment. Don’t get me wrong, I like beautifully written ritual, very much, in fact. But when I want to do something, I never grab my books… I just… do it, in my own moment’s thoughts, words and actions.

Alright, my lovelies… that’s a huge post for one night, lol.

 

The Spiritual In Music

Last night, I went to the opera. I’ve been having a bit of a hard time with what I want to do with music. I’ve always known exactly what I wanted to do with singing, first it was being a famous pop star (yes, indeed, I was young once, lol), then I wanted to star in musicals, and then it finally progressed into wanting to be an opera singer. I think the realization that there wasn’t a huge challenge with popular songs led me to the most difficult form of singing. Now, you may ask, “but what does this have to do with spirituality?”, well I shall tell you!

Like I said, I’ve been having a bit of a crisis with the one thing that’s always been so solid in my life. I wasn’t sure whether or not the Man and I were going to go last night, and after talking to my private lesson teacher, I just wanted to sleep. She talked to me about getting into opera, and that I may find that I’d like to do something else behind the scenes (which I took as, “she doesn’t think I’ve got what it takes” type thing. With being so tired and flustered from school, things just kept going slowly downward.

So we arrive downtown Vancouver to go to the Queen Elizabeth Theatre, we go inside, and it is quite a lovely place. I’m getting more excited as we wait to take our seats. After waiting, then being seated, then waiting for the conductor to finish talking to the orchestra on a last few points (it was the last rehearsal), it began. With the first few notes sung, I was almost in tears and nothing emotional had happened yet.  Then the first point that the whole chorus came on stage and a few tears slipped. I was just so overwhelmed with the feeling that “I’m home, and this is what it’s about, this is why I am doing what I am doing.”

So where does the spiritual enter here? For me, music is such an ultimate form of expression, it’s one of the very few things that gets me so incredibly passionate and free. While on stage, I feel so connected to myself, and in turn, I feel connected through my feet to the earth below the wood and concrete, and through my voice, to the Gods. In expressing the emotions and singing the melodies, I feel like I am on a completely different plane where I am surrounded by this wonderful feeling. There’s no other way for me to explain other than that I feel that I am channeling this amazing spiritual energy.

Music has always been a huge part of spirituality and religions, my favourite part of church as a child was the singing. I didn’t care that the words meant little to me, I could stand there and let my voice ring out, and hear all the voices, some beautiful, some a little tone deaf, come together to create music together as one.