#30DaysMagicalRoots Days 12 & 13

 

Day 12: Deity
Do you work with deities? Why or why not? Are you a monotheist, dualist, polytheist, animist, etc.? Write a poem or prayer dedicated to a deity and give it to Them as an offering. (Bonus: share a poem or prayer you’ve written for one of your deities.)

Yes, yes I do work with deities ūüôā I had always been attracted to deities since finding Wicca way back in the day and learning about the duo of the Lord and Lady. You could call upon Whomever from any pantheon that called to you, which was also so very refreshing for me after wanting so badly to connect with the Christian God (mostly Jesus), and not feeling it, and therefore feeling like there was no other option to¬†experience God.
When I found Wicca, I had this vague notion of what the God and Goddess were, even outside of choosing ancient deities to match my intent for whatever ritual, I knew that They were something bigger, and something else as well. I think I hold a lot of beliefs about what Gods are all at once, some of them a cognitive dissonance.

Though I primarily have a relationship with Baldr, I also work with Freyja, Odinn, and Queen Maeve. So in this way, I am polytheist. I see them as their own separate persons, separate personalities, and not usually part of a “whole”, or as an archetype. I see the Gods as people who exist outside of time, and perhaps even of a different universe.

And yet… I can see how everything is connected. Even I am connected to Them, They are me, and I am Them, we are all everything, which makes me a bit of a panentheist as well. This means that I do see Them in other deities, that there’s some overlap, that perhaps there’s even an over-spirit that encompasses all qualities. Makes me a bit of a pantheist as well. Recently there’s been an overlap with Baldr/Apollon/a story character who shall remain nameless.

I am certainly an animist. Every creature, every living thing, the earth, the water, it’s all alive and holds spirit. I have become so much more attuned to the fact that though an animal cannot hold a verbal conversation with me, does not mean they are not a person or have sense of self. Does not mean that I cannot connect with them on a spiritual level, an emotional level: we are all connected.

The theme here is connection, it seems! Though we like to think of ourselves as separate, individual, ultimately, I think we are all just a huge cuddle pile with the universe ‚̧

A Thousand Lives
A thousand lives I have lived with You
Each a thread that yet pulls me to You
Each a forgotten flash of a life
Each, but for a single beam of light

Our hearts call out over eons
Through tragedy
Through joy
Through absence

But always you will find me
Or I shall find you
Your radiant light outlasting all stars
All time

 

Day 13: Stone/Crystal
Find a stone or crystal to work with. Learn about its energies and/or magical properties and find ways to incorporate it into your life over the next month. (Recommended Resource: Cunningham’s Encyclopedia of Crystal, Gem & Metal Magic or The Crystal Bible by Judy Hall)

I’m choosing simple clear quartz as my stone this month.

Over the past few years, I’ve had a lot of emotional numbing that I recognize has stemmed from not being creative with music anymore, especially since it’s a performance art. That as well as a big bout of depression that still has its repercussions even 3 years later.

I would like to work with clear quartz to balance my emotions, to turn up the joy I allow myself to feel instead of pretending to not be impressed; then to equalize the negative ones that are valid, but not necessarily useful.

I’m thinking now perhaps in more than the ways I’ve already noticed, the whole half of my late twenties was a good stopping point to sort of cut me off from caring about what this weird society thinks, and forge my own path forward spiritually as well as just everyday life. So I would like clear quartz to help me begin really caring about the things that are actually important to me again.

And again, you can find the challenge over at Plentiful Earth ‚̧

YouTube Pagan Challenge – Week 8

The one where I talk about my Gods, and yes, there’s a bit of waffling here because I was kind of all over the place this morning, thinking about other things too ūüėõ

Listening To Them – TPE

This is a post for The Pagan Experience about deity & the divine.

So here is where I confess a terrible thing, I wasn’t listening to my Gods, namely Baldr. I wasn’t letting Him in. And this turned into Him showing up to someone else who was performing a reading for me (thank you!) being Super Grump.
It’s kind of strange to think of Him as that, seeing how much of what we know from lore sources have painted Him as a glorious, shining ball of light and happiness. However, let us remember in Saxo’s account, He was a fierce warrior who fought to have Nanna. And if you look at that story without the names attached to it, you’ll see the character He played was a bit brazen (or maybe a lot considering He decided He had to have someone else’s intended).
It always makes reminds me that there is no denying He is His father’s son.

So why would He be Super Grump to my poor, lovely reader and therefore at me? Well, I don’t know why exactly I had it in my mind that He was to be interacted with in a distant way, that for some reason there was a waiting period before w/We could interact in much closer proximity as I had been doing so with Odinn, and Frija (to a lesser extent), but I had kept Him at arm’s length. Ok, probably more like, across the street length. In fact, I had also cut myself off from Odinn and Frija (Who both let me know They were not too happy with my distancing as well), doubting that I was allowed to have those close relationships.

Ugh. What is human brain meat!!!!!!

I couldn’t even tell you why I did it. Perhaps things got really real when I got a reading from the lovely Beth back in December? I won’t divulge what was said, but it did kind of shake my world around a bit. Flail happened.
So I think with that reading, all of a sudden, things had to be super serious business. Formal. Restrained.

And I think now, when had things every been like that with Odinn & Frija? Never. There had been some more formal ritual things when I needed to mark something as important, but otherwise, o/Our relationships have been pretty friendly and informal. I would say even almost emphatically informal after I was frustrated and fed up with school, and after the not so nice thing happened. I needed comfort when They came to me, and that’s what I got. They’ve never been distant, ethereal beings to me. Until I tried making Them.

Then Baldr came into the picture and that’s when I got all worked up. And it took Him, the God people like to see as happy-go-lucky, and very shiny, kicking me in the pants to smarten up.

So why am I sharing this with you? Well, because having relationships with Gods can be a hard thing. We can’t physically see Them. Physically touch Them. Hear Them, smell Them, or taste Them. The way we experience pretty much everything in our life is based upon our physical senses.
It is hard to keep focused enough to see Them without our eyes, or hear Them without our ears. It makes the experiences with Them subject to how confident we feel in our non-physical senses, our sanity, and our worthiness at having relationships with any of Them.

Over the past few years, I readily admit questioning my sanity many times. So much of our conditioning (even from a church-going Christian background) is focused on our physical world. But we are not just physical beings. We are souls with bodies for a time. It’s well and good, and sometimes very nice (wink, wink) to be very in the moment and in your body as it feels all the stimuli from our environments: the smell of your favourite dessert baking, soft, warm fur beneath your hands, seeing someone you love in person after a long separation, listening to your favourite music that moves you to joy or tears, a warm breath across your skin in just the right place. These are delicious things. These are good things.

Yet, we also experience the world with our thoughts, who we are as a spirit. And how do you experience a non-physical being when you’re currently trapped in a limited human body? How can you do this reliably without letting yourself think you’re crazy? It is a very difficult thing, very difficult indeed.

What I have done to be open again, is just say to myself “fuck it”. I never worry about what anyone else thinks of me, why should I let conditioned filters that I sometimes let myself see myself through affect me? Why should I care what I think of myself if that thought comes from society’s filter that mystical people are crazy? Even Christians think their mystics are weird. And what difference would it make if I were crazy? Is my spirituality not feeding my soul? Does speaking/being with the Gods not feed my soul?
I suppose part of it could be that old “not worthy”, “feeling good is a sin” that could be surfacing. Well, that notion has never stopped me from having le sex, and lots of it. There’s no shame in that at all for me. I view sex as physical, yes, but so very spiritual as well. It’s something that lets us lose ourselves, become more than just who we are in our limited human bodies, if only for a few moments.
And I ask myself, is that not what my relationships with Them is like in a slightly different, brain-way? Absolutely. I am filled and inspired and awed, and I lose myself in o/Our interactions together because they/They take me somewhere else I couldn’t even imagine (in multiple ways), They teach me things, They’ve helped change my view of the world and my self (not that I had a bad view of either before, but now my view is wider, grander), They’ve made me very aware of the spirits in all things and how much humans have tried to cut Them all out, and I just simply enjoy Their company.
Just as friendships and relationships in real life, relationships with Them are important, fulfilling, and help me become a better person. (There’s also the perk with deity/spirit relationships of learning magickal things as well, thanks, Frija!).

So I got kicked in the metaphorical pants, and here I am, in the thick of it again. It’s beautiful, and I’m inspired. It’s hard to remember to pay attention sometimes to hear Them, to visit with Them, ’cause They can’t just come to us and yell at us outside our windows. We have to make the time to just listen, to let go of doubts, to just be with Them.

It’s a strange thing breaking down all the things society teaches us to conform, to be the same as everyone else. To break that down and build up your self as a whole person, as someone who is not simply the physical and thought, but a spiritual person. Someone who is not afraid to feel (emotionally as well as inspirationally). Someone who feels the rush and tingle of energy flowing through us, sometimes welling up from within us, sometimes coming from something physically un-seeable. Someone who follows that and gives no fucks what anyone else has to say about it.
What a world it would be if everyone followed the deep wisdom that lies in the very hearts of us, connected to everything, to everyone.

I won’t isolate myself from Them. They don’t deserve that, and neither do I.