PBP – Going Inward

radiance_by_windfalcon-d4mq6m1

Radiance by Brenda Lyons (Falcon Moon Studio)

It seems after the stormy year that was 2013, it’s time for lots of work and building and rediscovering all the things that have been accumulating within. I’ve been taking a fantastic course from Anni, called The Greystone Path. After having watched many of her videos on Youtube (Mirth And Reverence) had to sign up. She has such a warm and open way of discussing the whys and the reasons; how each of us will experience differently, and that all of it is valid.

It very much seems that I need to get my butt in gear, to begin something (as is very much the point of the spring season, no?), I’ve been feeling that for quite some time, and this course seems to be very much what is needed. Although it is slightly geared for newer folk, with explanations into things which (for me at least) have been studied, the inner work has been fantastic. She has us creating or working with an already established an inner landscape in meditation, exploring the Elements at this point, as well as what is already within our own selves. The course is one of being very much mindful of thought and action, which has already been quite a focus for me lately anyway. Of course, I highly recommend it for those who are really looking to delve much deeper, and to really solidify their own practice as Anni provides small rites to perform, making it easier to start small and build upon the foundation, figuring out what works for you and doesn’t along the way.
As an aside, although it is more Wiccan based, it is highly open for your own interpretation if you don’t necessarily follow a strict Wiccan path; it’s all about what works for you to open up to the Divine, however you see it.

 

Because of Anni’s wonderful reminders that all experience is valid and of worth, a lesson I keep revisiting while learning to really trust myself and my spiritual experiences is that there is validity in my interactions with Other in just the mere fact that I learn more about myself, and continue to grow. At this point, whether the interactions have all been from Other, or just in my head doesn’t matter because the insights have been perfect when I received them. I also think that this whole notion that what I experience could be just me imagining or Them actually interacting with me, is a very interesting and mysterious piece of the whole that is my spiritual experience.
Strangely enough, it’s in the moment that I feel I’m just making it up, and only in retrospect, through the lens of memory that certain experiences seem more real, more vivid. As time goes on and my ability to let go of control to allow things to happen as they will in meditation, the more I see where my hand has guided something, and where it has not. Although the doubt is still strong at times for me as we have yet to live in a culture that raises people to accept that there is this solid, real spiritual side to things, the doubt does play an interesting role in it all. We do live in the scientific age which has us questioning everything, looking for hard evidence, proof that what we experience is real. I don’t think this inquisitive head-space is a bad thing, I think it’s good, it’s why we have begun freeing ourselves from forced religion and aristocracy (though we’ve still such a long way to go before we’re done as other things have stepped in to replace them).

In this long, meandering post, I guess in the end I’m going inwards, have been incredibly introspective, focusing on specific roots I will be sending down to begin really establishing myself in the life and spirituality (which are very much one and the same) I wish to have at this point. I’m certain this idea will change with the seasons as I learn and experience more (a constant endeavour). What works for now may not work later, and that is when those things will be thanked, cut, and burned to make way for whatever I wish to cultivate next.

And The Work Begins!

So tomorrow, it’s back to school! Not that I actually have classes tomorrow. The music department cancels classes on the first day to have an assembly and figure out when each student is going to have their private lessons. Anywho, so I’ve been kinda trying to figure out what I want to do with the singing. It’s been leaning towards being in an opera chorus (as you know if you read the last music-related post). However, I’ve been thinking lately too, and this is an old idea, but I was also thinking of doing wedding ceremony singing. Not singing at receptions, but just at the ceremonies. I like the idea of working for myself (I did it for a while last year when I was dog-sitting in Ontario). Also, I get to make people’s special days more special with the awesome powers of music! And cuz I’ve been taking classical training, I can pretty much do any sort of style too because along with classical pieces, we have to do folk/musical/contemporary pieces as well, and work on just being able to sing well without putting a specific style on it. Anywho… just an idea for now. I’m going to let this year happen and get through it before I make any decisions, but I don’t think I’ll be getting the Bachelor’s degree as honestly, it’s really only good if I want to go further and look into the more academic side and get into teaching (which is totally not my bag). What I really need is the voice lessons (obviously) and the ability to sight read and pick up languages quickly, which are things I do well already, not that I’m trying to toot my own horn, lol, but I know what my strengths are, and singing is one of the only things that I will openly say I’m good at 😛

On another note, I will also be attending a Wicca 101 class with a local group! So excited to see what comes of this! I never thought I’d ever want to really get out there in the Pagan world, always figured I was a solitary witch, but lately, I’ve been feeling such a need to get in contact with others. The class I think will be good for me as I really need to start practicing more regularly, and having to do some Pagan homework (whatever that may be) will be wonderful 🙂

Scratching

I feel as though I’m only scratching at the surface. For having been on a pagan/witchy path for so long, I feel like I’ve gotten almost nowhere. I will say, I am definitely not the fluffy witch I once was, I feel more informed, more aware of the depth that is spirituality. I do realize I am still young, that I haven’t exactly experienced an incredible amount of life yet, therefore have not gained much in the way of insight and wisdom. I also realize that at this moment in time, I am going to school for music, which takes up basically all of my time, energy, and focus. Though I often think of incorporating little daily practices into my life, I suffer from all or nothing syndrome, it’s gotta be big and all out or it’s going to be nothing at all. I feel as though the biggest hindrance is my perception that my practice has to be a certain way, that it has to be grand and elaborate, and I must get all these fabulous items that cost a fortune.
I understand that this may make it seem as though I’m all about the material, tangible things, and perhaps I am, I am a Taurus after all! I feel like I really need to realize that right now, at this point in my life, my focus will be on music, that my studies and practice in my spirituality will only go so deep. Perhaps to truly delve into this, I need to wait until my other personal wells are dug, that it will all progress gradually when the time is right for me. It might be that once I am completely immersed in music, when I am making a living of it and living the music that I can also achieve a deeper connection to my spiritual path; more and more, I believe for me, they are connected.
I also feel as though I am lazy… or perhaps, afraid to get in too deep. Again, the all or nothing comes in. I shelter myself in my laziness I suppose, from really achieving anything, or failing at anything. Sigh. It’s something to work through, to work with, and conquer.

Bleh

Sorry for the lack of postings! Applying for post secondary education is one of the most frustrating things I’ve had to go through yet! Is it always this bad for everyone? Jeez.

Anywho, I suppose that the new school year is coming up quick as well, which will mean that there will be a smaller amount of postings going up each week as school work will dominate a whole big chunk of my time, lol, at least I’m assuming it will. Who knows? Lol. (If you do know, please let me know, that way I can be one who knows, 😉 )

I plan to keep posting at least once a week as I do enjoy blogging, and perhaps after getting into academic writing at school, my posts will be better, haha! 😉

Thank you all for reading 🙂

The Hierophant

The Fool continues on his journey, but has now been struck down by fear and doubt. Is his idea going to work? What if all he’s worked for is taken or lost? What if it all is just not good enough?

The Fool, in his panic, finds himself visiting a holy place to find some peace from these fears and doubts. He sees the Hierophant, and asks him how to overcome his negative thoughts. The Hierophant tells him that he must either abandon all that he fears to lose in order for it to hold no power over him, or realize that he will still have the experience and new knowledge if what he fears comes to pass.

When you pull the Hierophant in a spread, the spiritual is being brought down to earth, peace and harmony is being strived for. With the mix of spirituality and earth, the focus is on education, religion, marriage. He may appear in your life as a mentor of some sort, someone who you really respect and look up to.

Whether or not the Hierophant physically manifests as a mentor in your life, the focus is on learning, gaining knowledge, and knowing that whether or not we lose what we’ve worked for, we have the experiences and lessons learned from what we’ve accomplished.

Sources:

  1. Aeclectic
  2. Discover the Meaning of Tarot