Let’s Catch Up

So if any of you have been with me on this blog for some time, you’ll know that spring is quite a momentous time for me. Things get planned, plans become actions, and generally there is much happening for me. This runs into the summer, and hopefully this year it will run well into fall (especially concerning my garden and processing my harvest).

Well, along with plans of how I’m going to be spending my time (either in the garden or crafting things for Yule, yes I start early, as well as beginning to write music again), my spiritual life has taken an interesting turn. Thor has popped in as the Gods I regularly work with have stepped back. I’m not too sad about it, though I do miss Them, however Thor has proven quite helpful, if not direct. He’s pretty funny, and the snark ensues at times, though He’s pretty gentle when needed.

It seems I’ve just got some things to undo, some weird thinking about how I interact with my regular People. And the main point… THE MAIN REASON is that I need to be DOING. That’s all He keeps hammering (hehe) into my head. Just do things, make things, do magic, write music, go work in your garden, do, do, do!

I asked Him why He decided to help me out:
“Because I like you, kid.”

In terms of the thinky things, He’s actually quite perfect for this in a few different ways. You see, no matter that at least one of my People has been around for a few years, I still have this weird way of thinking that things must be super serious, and even with Odinn, that’s usually not always the case. There have certainly been moments, however, the general feel with Him, Frija, and Baldr is that of my loved ones, family, good friends. Even when one of Them would crack a joke, I would laugh a bit, but still try to impose a more serious face on Them.

With Thor, I don’t know that it’s because He’s very accessible to people, that He’s got a pretty friendly reputation, partnered with the fact that so many are quite aware of Him now (though that’s more Marvel Thor than Who He really is). I couldn’t possibly pin it down to one particular psychological reason to be honest.
This all ties into the doing He’s been emphasizing. We had a chat when I stayed outside under my umbrella the other day during a very light thunderstorm, and He let me know that I’ve honoured Him more wholly, and just more, whenever the thunder and rains have come. I know that I have honoured Odinn when the howling winds begin stirring in the autumn, or when a strong breeze moves through me while I’m in the garden. Or Baldr when I’m standing in the Sun, letting the warmth permeate my body. Or Frija when I marvel at the beauty of the green things growing around me.  I know sometimes I’m not going to feel that kind of wonderous energy that really kicks up any of my interactions with Them, and that’s OK. 
But what this has made me realize is that I can’t possibly schedule in something that’s so tied to my heart. Hmmm… I believe I’ve talked about this before… Yet, I need to seek out those things that help me connect to Them more easily, more whole-heartedly.

All of this is allowing me to be more in the moment. When I feel moved, I get up and light my candles and pray to Them, thanking Them for whatever inspirations have come when thinking on Them, or just letting Them know something reminded me of Them.
It’s odd business trying to have relationships with Those you cannot touch or have Their physical presence around. in this way, it makes the relationship that much harder, really having to remember that They are there, or that you should probably hang out with Them, cuz, you know, it’s been like a week, and would you really go that long without talking with those who are incredibly important to you who are corporeal? Likely not.

So here I am. Doing. Being in the moment. My relationships with Them are very important to me, so why am I making it out to be more serious business (especially the business part) than They actually have shown They want? Yes, there are things that They want me to do, want me to learn, and those things are business, but once I know my tasks, the rest of o/Our time together is quite relaxed. And to be honest, all They’ve indicated is for me to be a witch (lots of doing), and to be with Them, journeying as often as I can. Yes, certainly I need some time after certain travels that require some unraveling, but otherwise, apparently They like me, and that’s just as well, because I happen to quite like Them 🙂

Just Be

Just to mark this down to remember it, to let it sink in. Something that has been Said over and over to me when I ask whatever it is I “should” be doing….

“Just be”

That’s it. There’s nothing else other than encouragement for the things I already pursue, and pursue them with the knowledge that the Gods want to be read about, heard about, Their stories made to inspire weather in story or song, to become more and more prevalent in the world. Otherwise, whatever I’m doing now is where I’m supposed to be.

I have a terrible habit of trying to overachieve (only in the things I really love), however in the past couple of years, that has been a hard thing to do, especially when it involves other human people. I often say I would do something, only to not do it. There is usually one big reason why things don’t happen. Home. That is where I usually always want to be, wherever it may be. And when I go out, I don’t want many people around me. Looking in, judging, offering unsolicited comments or advice. That is reserved for people I love.

It has also occurred to me that in not doing things I said I would do, I needed to say no to the things I am just no longer comfortable doing. Sometimes I think I’m selfish, however, I remember that despite making myself unavailable to a large amount of people, doing things that make me anxious or uncomfortable, I am still very much there for the few people I choose to be there for. There are a few I have lost touch with a bit, not of my own will, but sometimes life just happens and things are harder to do from far away than they are when you’re minutes away. That given, I would also still do what I need to for them even with the distance.

It seems very strange to me now that I wanted to be famous (though I think we all do when we are young). I love being onstage, even to this day I would have no problem going up. I would just rather skip all the small talk afterwards. At least with working with other musicians, we can really talk about the nitty gritty of the music, of our parts. But people in general, acquaintances, just don’t interest me.

I’m a hermit, and that’s ok for now until it changes. Everything changes. I’m pursuing creative things, and really, most artists (of any sort) are reclusive. How could we produce things if we weren’t?
So here it is, Mia, you’re allowed to just be. Not only because you’ve been Told, but because it is normal. You are doing enough. You have planned enough to be busy for a good while. You are just gathering your resources to do what you have planned, and actually, things are already in motion. And sometimes, though you hate the uncertainty of things, and the not doing of things, you just need to take the time to reflect, to soak in what has happened, and allow things to move forward naturally. So just be.

Musings on a Rainy Day

Rainy Willows

My Full Moon cakes have been taken away from beneath these willows. The smell on the breeze of damp earth is intoxicating. It’s one of my favourite smells. While it had stopped raining as I took these pictures but a few minutes ago, the sky is falling once more, gently on the greening world outside as I sip my Earl Grey and type away.

Much of my past few weeks since returning from the East Coast has been spent sweating away under the sun, digging out my garden plots. Alas, the rain has come and now my plots are riddled with puddles. I’m hopping the puddling will be solved after I run the tiller through and add some sand from some of the other plots. I’m itching to get the seeds in the ground, but it seems everything this year wants to be late according to the seasons and weather, so I’ll just have to be patient.

Plots

My mom and I went out over the weekend to pick up our rhubarb, raspberry, and blueberry plants that will in a few years be a good source of lots of jams and pies and other tasty desserts. The raspberry, especially, looks very happy out on our deck, many new leaves have come out over the few days we’ve had it. The peas are also on the deck waiting to be planted, and are looking very happy for all the light access.
We even dug out the front flower beds and put in a mix of wildflower seed, I’ll let you know how well that works out as at the end of the season, you cut it back and it’s supposed to reseed itself for the following year.

It’s been an excellent few weeks, even with my body (mostly my back) aching from all the intense work. I stupidly did some digging two days ago whilst the weather was humid and hot. So when yesterday came around, and it was cool and non-rainy, I was too exhausted to do anything. However, the day was spent writing a ritual for the Full Moon, as I already knew what I needed it to be for. The kitties were being mischievous during the affair, if you wanted to know.
As I said in a previous post, it’s really nice having all the energy worked out of you so that you just do, you don’t think. The ritual last night lasted much longer than I thought, and even the kitties didn’t keep my attention from what was happening in my circle. Again, being cleaned out by exhaustion is purifying, and it certainly helped me weave my magick.

Puddles

I’ve also been struck by how naturally noisy it is here in the country. I don’t mean the vehicles that drive by (we are on one of the busiest roads in this small town, with transport trucks going by at regular intervals during the day, including the Beer Store truck that honks as he passes our house), but by the birds here. And by plural birds, I mean a ton. Robins, Red-winged Blackbirds, Finches, Chickadees, Woodpeckers, Brewer’s Blackbirds, Canadian Geese, Mourning Doves, a Hawk of some sort (they always fly much too high for me to pick out any specific identifying colours), Gulls, Blue Jays, an occasional Raven, Common Blackbirds. That’s all I’ve been able to hear/see so far this spring. It’s amazing all you’ll find when you pay attention. On top of that is the hum of things at night in the swampy area behind our property that leads into a wood.

Oh, and the crows, never forget the crows. They wouldn’t let you anyway.

It’s a happening time indeed, for which I am grateful. Even my best friend is about to have a baby at any moment. There’s no time for dilly-dallying.
I must say I’m happy for the break in too much computer time, but that’s what people do now (year-round even, Gods forbid) since we live in the age of the Internet. Having Google at your fingertips is great, and all the world’s knowledge, but going out and really experiencing life for yourself is still needed. I won’t say best, there is a time for experience, and a time for study and reflection. They are both needed and important.

This rainy week has had me on edge again though, I’m so close to having all the plots dug and ready, so close to planting the seeds in the earth, yet even if it was all ready, it’s much too wet for planting seeds at the moment anyway, as you can tell in the photo above with the puddles.

I suppose I should just get this posted as I’m on baby watch 😀

I hope your spring season is full of wonder and work.

On Doing

Peggy's Cove - Miaerowyn © 2014

Peggy’s Cove, Nova Scotia – Miaerowyn © 2014

I have finally been able to get out into the yard to start digging for my garden (pictures are sure to follow over the coming growing and harvesting months)! I really planned a huge undertaking for myself, I have to say (perhaps I’ll post the plans for the garden soon), and with the ground being still so muddy and heavy, moving it around has been quite the task. However, I have a ride on mower that I can now use (after two days of digging up the grass and having to wheel-barrow it to various locations on the property) to save my poor arms from the heavy (and I mean super heavy) soil and grass chunks. If you want an idea of how much I have left to do, I’ve just completed one of twelve 4×20 ft beds for all those herbs and vegs.
While it is still a bit cold for this time of year here, I think I’ll be able to grow most, if not all, of the things I have planned (which is a combination of about 66 different herbs and vegetables, not to mention the flowers I’ll be putting into other flower beds).

 

It is unmeasurably good to be out and doing the things that I’ve been planning, for the garden it’s been a few years. My life is moving again, and I am making the things I want happen. It has been a while, I tell you, and I am glad I am out of the stagnation, though it had its place and I had the time to discover some important things.

It’s so weird thinking of the things I want to do and be doing them within a short amount of time instead of pining and daydreaming about it all. Of course some things don’t happen exactly as I imagine them to, but the process of an idea taking form and evolving into something else that still satisfies me is pretty fantastic.

The other thing I have been thinking about today after a hot shower, is that all this doing takes the thinking away. It takes the daydream and puts it into reality, into the now. There’s no room to think when your body is being used up, when all your brain power is put into moving your muscles to create. You just are, without any social construct, any cultural background, any filters. It releases you. It makes you pure. It makes doing some things you think silly/weird/not me/all the excuses easier because you just don’t tap into all of the things we’re taught to think about ourselves and how others perceive us. All you need to do is make sure you have what you need to do what you’ve been over-planning, and just effing do it. No more excuses. Do it.

I am ever thankful for being able to do what I want, that I can physically, and that I have the materials and tools to do said things. This has been such a productive and plentiful few months since moving back to Ontario. I cannot remember being so busy and so fulfilled in just myself for such a long while. I’m very much looking forward to harvest time, to see what the rest of this turn will be bringing, or what my own hands will make manifest.