“Your relationship with your devotional topic.”
I was thinking, haven’t I already talked about this yesterday with the “how” post? Well, yes and no. I talked about how w/We’ve been doing over the past few months, but not necessarily what o/Our relationship is.
As much as I want to talk about those more intimate details, I don’t tend to publicly. And as much as I adore reading about others’ very personal journeys with their own Gods, I just have a hard time showing that to others. I realize this is the internet, there can be trolls, and there is a certain amount of anonymity in writing online, but it’s still hard.
And yet. There is so much to be gleaned for me, personally, as I’ve said before, in writing for others. Things you have to figure out to make coherent for others to read that also allows one to see much deeper into things than would normally be seen. So let’s begin…
Baldr is sweet, He is warm, He is joy and appreciation of all aspects of daily life as well as spiritual life. He is often on my mind, and whispering in my ear, guiding me to find gratefulness for everything I can do, everything that makes me happy. He feeds off of that, and the light that He is glows in me, making me brighter, as my own merriment returns to Him, shining back at me through Him.
He is open and accepting. He is good for the cuddles. He is goofy and makes me smile, even when other people look at me funny. Honestly, I sometimes feel like a school girl around Him, but one that doesn’t have to admire Him from across the hallway. He is always there, there aren’t very many moments when I don’t feel Him around me, even if that’s all I get is the sense of His presence and no more. I think about the past couple months when I tried to keep away from Him, thinking I wasn’t “ready” for some reason or other, and He was still there. Always on my mind. Always keeping Himself tangible in some way.
Our relationship makes me excited, and it also has really made me see how other I have become from the general populace. Yet there is no loss in that for me. I don’t want to waste my time doing things I don’t enjoy, that don’t nourish my soul. I don’t want to do what women are “supposed” to do, going out, gossiping, and talking about things that don’t really matter. I find I can’t talk to a lot of people anymore about what’s going on with me because most people don’t understand, and especially as someone with a non-mainstream spirituality, would likely see me as a bit nuts. It’s lucky that I do in fact do a lot with my day with gardening and making things, otherwise I’d have nothing to talk about with pretty much everyone I know, as I’m the only polytheist/much woo in my life person I know outside of the internets.
That being said, I really don’t mind. I like that my days are filled with things that matter to me, truly, and on a deep level. I like that I don’t waste away much time on things that are incredibly trivial and don’t contribute anything at all to who I am as a person and the life I make for myself. I like that Baldr can be part of so much of my life because I’m outside of the regular people life.
And I think He’s happy He’s got more of me to Himself than would normally happen were I to live an “ordinary” life.