Well, this is the last evening of 2014, and the last of my Yuletide celebrations. I’ve pulled my cards for each month of the coming year, and reviewed the past year. I feel like I am so far away from where I was last year at this time, mostly in terms of my psychological self.
I have grown a lot in the last year, especially in knowing what my own boundaries are since we now are around people more often, and accepting that I am basically a monk, and that life suits me fine (without the celibacy, of course!!! I am a hippy pagan, after all!). I’ve had a lot of flack this past year from my concerned mother, and even some outside comments that how I live isn’t quite “right”, and to that, I have figured out for myself that I have no real interest in living how our society tells us to. I don’t enjoy being around a lot of people, it’s very exhausting for me. I am not overly concerned with being a part of a consumerist/capitalist culture, so traditional jobs are not appealing for me. We are not very poor anymore since moving back, in fact, we’ve been able to pay off a good chunk of our collective debt. We are quite comfortable, and buy the things we want when we can.
I have been babysitting, which has become enjoyable to me somehow?? Perhaps it’s the wanting of kids? 😛 And knitting up a storm, providing warmth and beauty through clothing items, and I still have a crap load of things to knit in the next month. I have also done some serious research into writing, as it has become rather important to me. I haven’t talked about this aspect, but it has definitely helped some days with journeying when I am too tired, it’s sort of like automatic writing, but it also allows me to really pay attention because I want what I’m writing if I’m connecting with Other to be visceral, tangible, something I want to read later and feel all over again. Then this has led right into my story writing, I’ve been inspired by my own interactions and insights, inspired by the worlds I have been shown and the People in them. I hazard to say that perhaps writing is coming in to fill the gap that music has left. Not forever, but for now. And that’s also not to say that as I continue writing, story telling will not create its own cozy spot in who I am, and that music will one day be filled again by singing, but for now, I am just very happy to be creating something, to be telling a story.
I know I’ve said it before, but I am very excited for the coming year, the cards have shown me a year full of learning, of taking on roles, and being. Just being by doing. It will not be without its frustrations, and difficulty, but what of worth does not frustrate us or prove difficult at times. I’m sure the difficulty will be on my end, perhaps letting go of what I think I should be doing and doing what I’m supposed to be doing? Getting out of the books and going out to do and experiment? Who knows, but I shall endeavour to chronicle my trials here, as long as that’s ok with Them.
I hope you all are feeling that 2015 is going to be a good year too. I think it’s much needed. 2012 & 2013 kind of sucked, actually, really sucked. There were some shining moments, but mostly suckage. 2014 felt transitory, and I hope that means transitioning to a better year.
Happy new year, and many blessings as you continue on your journeys!