This year has been one of much thought, and separating myself from the world it seems. There is much hermit-like behaviour, although I do try to take the doggy out for daily walks. Even then, I don’t want to be around others. I think part of that is just because I miss living in the country (well, a very small town really) where it’s rare to come across other people when you’re out in the woods, or walking back roads, or on trails. I used to do a lot of magic crafting outside, but here in a city, I can’t focus properly out there, worrying about noise and prying eyes.
But back on topic, sometimes we need to be quiet. Sometimes we need to be alone as much as possible. I’m happy when the Man is home from work and we hang out, but that’s all I seem to need lately in terms of interaction. There has been a lot of meditation, and puzzling, and thinking of the things that I need and want in my life. I think this quiet has helped focus my attention on finding those things out. I’m still figuring it out. It’s good to have little outside influence on important things at times, to figure out how to be more true to yourself instead of others’ ideas for you.
Quiet is good for reflection, which a lot of people try to avoid at all costs these days. I think it’s part of the reason it seems harder to learn something, to keep something in my head, because I don’t think about it afterward, I just go on to the next piece of information that intrigues me. This is why I believe being a spiritual person helps. There seems to be a push for spiritual people to allow for time that needs to be spent in meditation, or focus on particular things. Time should also be spending time journaling, and generally paying attention to ourselves, our thoughts, and things that keep popping up in dreams. This can be a difficult thing in a world that is loud, loud, loud. Loud in more ways than just what we literally hear. There are loud sights everywhere in media and all forms of advertising (neon lights?), loud thoughts other people tell us to think, loud pressure to live a very particular way in a narrow little box. It’s overwhelming.
As much as I sometimes feel bad about not being out in the world with people, I seem to need the quiet and solitude at this point in my life. It’s a difficult lesson to learn how to say no, people enjoy telling you that you’re selfish when they hear that word directed at their requests. Alas, if you constantly pour out all you have to everyone at every whim, then you have nothing left for yourself, and nothing good to give.