Scratching

I feel as though I’m only scratching at the surface. For having been on a pagan/witchy path for so long, I feel like I’ve gotten almost nowhere. I will say, I am definitely not the fluffy witch I once was, I feel more informed, more aware of the depth that is spirituality. I do realize I am still young, that I haven’t exactly experienced an incredible amount of life yet, therefore have not gained much in the way of insight and wisdom. I also realize that at this moment in time, I am going to school for music, which takes up basically all of my time, energy, and focus. Though I often think of incorporating little daily practices into my life, I suffer from all or nothing syndrome, it’s gotta be big and all out or it’s going to be nothing at all. I feel as though the biggest hindrance is my perception that my practice has to be a certain way, that it has to be grand and elaborate, and I must get all these fabulous items that cost a fortune.
I understand that this may make it seem as though I’m all about the material, tangible things, and perhaps I am, I am a Taurus after all! I feel like I really need to realize that right now, at this point in my life, my focus will be on music, that my studies and practice in my spirituality will only go so deep. Perhaps to truly delve into this, I need to wait until my other personal wells are dug, that it will all progress gradually when the time is right for me. It might be that once I am completely immersed in music, when I am making a living of it and living the music that I can also achieve a deeper connection to my spiritual path; more and more, I believe for me, they are connected.
I also feel as though I am lazy… or perhaps, afraid to get in too deep. Again, the all or nothing comes in. I shelter myself in my laziness I suppose, from really achieving anything, or failing at anything. Sigh. It’s something to work through, to work with, and conquer.

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2 thoughts on “Scratching

  1. My heart goes out to you as I can have lots of intention with little action. It can be easy to become overwhelmed – even by the possibilities… You are not alone in this. 🙂 When I am feeling down about my (lack of) practice, I simply try to still my mind and listen. Our path isn’t supposed to be about hard work all the time, but also being present too. I like this quote, (being witchy/pagan…) “it is something you are, not something you do”. I’ll bet that if you think about it, you “do” more than you realize simply because you “are”. Brightest Blessings on you journey! – Elizabeth

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    • Thank you so much for your kind words, Elizabeth! I find I’m always much too hard on myself when it comes to things I feel are really important to me, you should hear me when I critique my singing! I am usually always thinking in a spiritual manner, so everything is always connected to me. I do realize that everything waxes and wanes, and summer is usually the time of year when I practice being witchy most, lol. I like that quote, by the way, everything is always much simpler than we think it is. 🙂

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